I don’t want you to save me. I want you to walk beside me as I save myself.

When I was younger, people loved asking me what I wanted to be when I grow up. My answer was usually the same, happy. This was usually disregarded as a cop-out and I was told to grow up and start thinking about a job.

What. The. Hell.

Why can’t my goal in life be to achieve a constant state of happy? Everyone loves to be happy. We do things in order to make us happy. So what is wrong with wanting to be happy?

Picking a job and going to school for it does not generally make you happy. It could, and if you are so lucky to find that elusive job then hold on to it with both hands and never let go.

Unfortunately I haven’t been as lucky as my younger self’s ideas.

I am not happy.

There are so many things that bother me and make me upset that I actually don’t even want to talk about them right now. They will come out eventually, but on this quiet Sunday morning with my husband still sleeping I want to enjoy my breakfast and the quiet of the house.

My goal is happiness. My goal is to feel good. My goal is not to be a perfect wife or a skinny model sized woman. My goal is to save myself from my own unhappiness.

Would you walk beside me as I save myself?